Spiders can definitely f*ck off

I was indulging in a spot of nostalgia gaming over the weekend, with a copy of Little Big Adventure 2, the sequel to the fantastic LBA1 (duh..). Although the graphics, control system and use of so-called FMV are pretty dated, the learning curve is perfectly judged and the visual style is very engaging. Most of all, the game draws you in to its own weird little world by encouraging you to explore without ever losing its sense of purpose (something which the GTA series could learn from). Anyhoo, there I was, fully immersed in the game and wandering through a cave with the occasional bat, when out of nowhere came A HUGE FRIGGING SPIDER which started trying to EAT MY HEAD. Due to my magic ball having run out of juice, I had to attack the damn thing with my bare hands, all the while shaking and pouring arachnophobic sweat. I had to then calm my nerves with a spot of scotch before playing on.

My point is this: there should be a ban on all spiders in computer games. Even relatively small ones, but especially bloody huge ones. Notable offenders include: Resident Evil; Zelda (Ocarina and the forthcoming Princess); and Tomb Raider 2. Spiders have been used in these games purely to artificially add a sense of danger and threat to the game; it is sheer laziness on the part of the designers. With arachnophobia constantly topping the phobia charts, it is a cheap way to get people to jump. And no I am not presenting specious arguments just because a crude representation of a spider made me crap myself. Not much, anyway.

A complaint without a constructive suggestion is just bitching, so here we go: I propose replacing all computer game spiders with other threatening things, like jellyfish, snakes, bank statements and Anne Widdecombe. Who's with me?

LBA2 pics: